Why Don't I Feel Better Yet?

Recovery usually isn't the moment you understand what to do. It's the gradual process of responding differently, again and again, until those responses start to feel more natural.

When I first started using these tools, I expected to feel better. When I had days where I felt constantly anxious or jumped from one worry to another, I wondered whether I was doing something wrong.

Your brain has learned patterns

When you've responded to worries in the same way for a long time, that response can become very familiar. You might automatically analyse, seek reassurance, avoid something or replay a situation.

Doing something different can initially feel strange. You're learning a new pattern, and that takes practice.

Understanding why you're practising can help

Understanding the purpose behind a tool can make it easier to keep practising when results aren't immediate. It's a little like going to the gym: you don't expect one visit to transform your physical health.

Progress doesn't necessarily mean fewer thoughts

• You notice an anxious thought before it becomes a chain of worries.
• You spend less time analysing it.
• You resist a mental or physical compulsion.
• You don't seek reassurance.
• You return to what you were doing.
• You have a difficult day without spending the next day analysing what went wrong.
• You can enjoy something even though some unwanted thoughts are still present.

A difficult day isn't proof that you've gone backwards

Bad days happen to everyone. Anxiety can add guilt, comparison and over-analysis to an already difficult day. Remember that seeing a snapshot of somebody else's life doesn't show you their full reality.

A difficult day doesn't mean you're failing. It means you've had a difficult day. You can acknowledge it, learn anything useful from it and keep moving forward.

Motivation won't always be there

When you're working at something for a long time without obvious results, motivation can dip. You don't need to do something huge to practise. Bringing your attention to what you're already doing can be enough for that moment.

Think further ahead—but don't live there

Day-to-day change can be difficult to notice. It can sometimes be useful to think about where you could be in a year or two if you keep practising, without turning that into a deadline.

You don't need to spend an hour practising

A few minutes of mindful attention while doing a household task can be practice. Choosing not to analyse a worry can be practice. Returning your attention to the present can be practice. Small opportunities count.

Give yourself room to rest

Practising doesn't mean pushing yourself constantly. If you're overwhelmed, sometimes the most useful thing is reducing demands and getting through the day. Rest doesn't erase the practice you've already done.

One thing to try

The next time you think "Why isn't this working?", try asking "What response can I practise right now?"